03 September, 2012

John Henry's Open Letter to Liverpool Fans (A Parody)

I am as disappointed as anyone connected with Liverpool Football Club that we were unable to buy anyone of talent in this summer transfer window, but that was not through any lack of desire or effort on the part of all of those involved. They pushed hard in the final days of the transfer window on a number of forward targets and it is unfortunate that on this occasion we were unable to conclude acceptable deals to bring those targets in, but hey, we're cheap and just like we have done this season with the Boston Red Sox, when we go on a losing streak, we sell, sell, sell, not buy, buy, buy.

But a summer window brought in three young, but significantly talented starters in Joe Allen at an over the market price, Nuri Sahin on loan and Fabio Borini, an Italian you've never heard of and if he does see the pitch, you'll wish that it was Rossi or someone of note.

Nor should anyone minimise the importance of keeping our best players during this window. We successfully retained Daniel Agger, Martin Skrtel and Luis Suarez. We greatly appreciate their faith and belief in the club. If nothing else, because no one came sniffing around for them, we figured we had to tie them up to contracts or we wouldn't even field a full team. And if you believe these are truly our best players, then feel free to peruse our Liverpool FC shop where everything is now 50% off.

No one should doubt our commitment to the club. In Brendan Rodgers we have a talented young manager at a cut rate price and we have valued highly his judgement about the make-up of the squad while ignoring him completely. This is a work in progress. It will take time for Brendan to instill his philosophy into the squad and build exactly what he needs for the long term. It will also take time for us to raise any capital to pry any good players away from other teams as well. In the meantime, feel free to again, peruse our Liverpool FC shop and buy a lot of stuff as that may be the only way the club can afford to buy any new players under the new Fair Play rules.

The transfer policy was not about cutting costs. Yeah, you got us. It was. We can't afford to go swinging all balls deep like Chelsea always does or skirt rules like Man City can do. Even Spurs were able to sell off some of their surplus 500+ midfielders to fund a purchase of French keeper Lloris and even managed to offer $2mil more for the all time US EPL scoring leader and someone that has a huge work ethic in Dempsey, because, hey, we thought we had him until he realized we weren't going to be playing in Europe next year, and were only in it this year by default.

We are still in the process of reversing the errors of previous regimes. At least, that's what they tell us in business schools in the US. Sounds pretty impressive, right? Heck, you even see it in our politics. Ask Mitt Romney and Barack Obama...

Spending is not merely about buying talent. Well, yeah, it actually is, but since our ambitions do not lie in cementing a mid-table place with expensive, short-term quick fixes that will only contribute for a couple of years. Our emphasis will be on developing our own players using the skills of an increasingly impressive coaching team. That way, when we continue on this downward spiral you are already seeing, we can blame it on a lack of depth. Pretty neat trick, right?

After almost two years at Anfield, we are close to having the system we need in place. What that system is, we're not sure. Actually, we're waiting for Theo Epstein to become available again after the Cubs fail to reach the playoffs in the MLB for yet another season, and then we hope to bring him over here and see what he can do when we give him a paper clip, a tooth brush, and some bits of lint.

 It will not be easy, it will not be perfect, but there is a clear vision at work. We will build and grow from within, buy prudently and cleverly and never again waste resources on inflated transfer fees and unrealistic wages. We have no fear of spending and competing with the very best. Because, hey, that is the job of any team and manager. We figure if we distract you you won't care... hey look, is that Andy Carroll and a stripper?

We will never place this club in the precarious position that we found it in when we took over at Anfield. This club should never again run up debts that threaten its existence. Mostly that is because of the aforementioned Fair Play rules, but if we keep repeating it, you might think to trust us with your mum. We want to win. That is the Liverpool way. Hey, isn't that Joe Cole naked over there in the bushes?

Finally, I can say with authority that our ownership is not about profit. Contrary to popular opinion, owners rarely get involved in sports in order to generate cash. Just look at the Glazers. They didn't bring on all that debt to Man U because they were trying to find a tax shelter or saddle a foreign club with debt so they could keep their precious Buccaneers. And those stock shares at 150 times earnings? Psshhh that's just financial mumbo jumbo. Just you run out and buy. In our case we work every day in order to generate revenues to improve the club. Did we mention the Liverpool FC shop has 50% off right now?

We have only one driving ambition at Liverpool and that is the quest to win the Premier League playing the kind of football our supporters want to see. If you don't like the way we play, then obviously, you were never a fan even though you've mortgaged your house to pay for the exhorbinant prices we charge for tickets or the fact that you've doled out all that money for each and every new kit we roll out. Which reminds me... I think we need a 5th and 6th kit as well...

We will deliver what every long-term supporter of Liverpool Football Club aches for, one day.  


Photo: Liverpool FC

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